Victory
by Seirin
Summary: What is a victory which destroys dreams that behind the horizon a true freedom exists? What is a victory for which one had to pay with so much blood? What is a victory which brings so much pain? Unbearable questions hang in the air, ruthlessly demanding answers from mind tormented by reality. / Action takes place after 90 manga chapter.


As always, I'm warning English isn't my mother tongue, so be ready for errors :)

* * *

'Eeeerwin, I need bigger budget. With our present equipment analysis of those sample will take ages to finish!' Hanji hit a desk of the commander of Scouting Legion with two hands. Her brown eyes glinted with determination and excitement.

Erwin looked totally unmoved by her speech when he looked at her above piles of documents.

'Hanji, I understand your pique and I appreciate your cognitive desire, but I've told you this three times: this year's budget is closed and there is nothing that can be done about it.'

'Erwin, I HAVE to have another microscope. Couldn't you cut down the budget of Levi's tea or something?'

Magnificent eyebrows of Erwin rose slightly after hearing this suggestion, but before he could respond the door opened violently.

'Miss Hanji! You have to come to the laboratory immediately! We have first analysis of Chicachiron's saliva!' Moblit reported as soon as he entered the office. Only after few seconds did he look at Erwin and saluted. 'Commander, I'm terribly sorry for this interruption.'

'You are analyzing... titan's saliva?' A slight consternation appeared on Erwin's face.

Hanji straightened up proudly, lifting her index finger in a theatrical gesture.

'Of course! Showing differences and similarities between titan's saliva may be crucial in our research!'

'Yeah... If only you were a little more careful, Miss Hanji...' Moblit started to mumble with a very tired face.

'Hey, I am careful! Besides, in case something were to happen to me...' Hanji smiled radiantly to her assistant. '... I have you!'

The soldier smiled sadly.

'Not anymore, Miss Hanji.'

'Right now everything is up to you, Hanji.' Erwin added in as always firm voice.

Gradually, a whiteness of walls started to turn into dark green. Sharp contours of the office furniture were becoming more and more blurry. A gentle murmur of soldiers' conversation, which so far could be heard despite the closed door, was vanishing among a strange noise.

 _The next commander will be Hanji Zoe. You. I leave the Scouting Legion in your care._

A powerful explosion. A murderous fire filling whole space in the blink of an eye. Feeling of dyspnoea and panic. Painful push in her back. Falling in the sea of deadly element. Among this burst of blinding light – his face. As always so full of worry and concern.

An awareness of present slowly filled her mind, firmly squeezing her throat.

Moblit is gone...

 _He's already left us._

Just like Erwin.

She opened her eyes... Her eye. She touched with one hand a soft sash covering her empty left eyehole. A memory of the day when the Scouting Legion won.

'Victory.' She repeated her thoughts out loud after which she laughed softly.

The mission of Scouting Legion was completed. They knew who titans were. They found out the true identity of the Beast Titan. They discovered reasons of existing this fucking order of the world.

That behind a flock of monsters hides a whole army of new enemies.

More terrifying, cruel and ruthless than titans.

People.

She had been fed up with constant moving around blindly along this, filled with darkness and seeming to be endless, labyrinth for such a long time. And now she felt as if someone had turned on the light way too quickly. The light which wasn't warm and welcoming, but blinding and dazzling the rest of her senses.

For the very first time she didn't how to respond to the question: "what now?". And, what seemed even more frightening, she didn't have strength to force herself to search for the answer.

Her body felt numb.

She would never hear a full of worry scream: "Miss Haaaanji, noooo!'.

She would never see this gaze, filled with disbelief and amusement, being an answer for her new scientific whims.

She would never meet such loyal and devoted assistant. A man for whom her life was more precious than his own.

She would never stand next to the man who was for her a symbol mankind's hope.

Serving for such a long time in the Scouting Legion she was ready for pain.

But so far wounds had never appeared in two equally painful places at the very same time.

Suddenly she felt that a strong hand lightly touched her fingers. She turned slightly her head, immediately meeting a gaze of steel-blue eyes.

'Do you resent me for that?' His voice seemed to be indifferent, but she knew that under the surface of illusory calmness an authentic concern was hidden.

'What do you mean?' She said softly. When she heard her own voice, she was surprised how hoarse it sounded. As if she wasn't using it for a long time.

'That I haven't chosen Erwin.' In his eyes she could see sadness and fatigue. The very same emotions which had been dwelling in her since their return to the capital. But in his gaze she could find something more. A fear. A fear of condemnation. And even if Levi didn't care about opinion the world, she knew that her opinion was very important to him.

'No.' She responded briefly. 'Erwin made you responsible for this decision. So your decision is his choice.' She added in accordance with her conviction.

'So why aren't you telling me anything but you are mulling all of this in this overgrown brain of yours?'

'I'm fourteenth commander of Scouting Legion, I can't complain like a small girl who can't cope with the reality.'

'You know, even the biggest thugs have diarrhoea.' The humanity's strongest soldier answered with a deadpan face.

She wasn't in the mood for jokes, but this stupid comment, which was so much like Levi, made her laugh. And when she stopped, three words escaped her mouth.

'I miss them.'

In his steel-blue eyes appeared simultaneously a mix of emotions. Warmth. Compassion. Strong resolve. And a lot of other shades she wasn't able to name despite the fact she knew him so well.

His thumb started to caress a palm of her hand.

'Erwin... He had such a calm expression.' She continued in some strange way encouraged by his silence, in spite of desire to stay in the realm of her own thoughts that she felt few moments earlier. 'Somehow I even envy him. He doesn't have to follow this path any longer. You wanted to save him from that, didn't you? He was mankind's hope for a brighter future. But he had to pay for that with his own soul.' She sighed heavily. 'This pain, which all of us in Scouting Legion can feel, this awareness of standing on the piles of dead bodies... He was the one who felt it the most. And still he had sacrificed everything he had so that humanity could win. And I know we have to do everything we can to keep fulfilling his will...' She laughed bitterly. 'Erwin is really amazing. Even if he is gone, you still can't oppose his orders even if your soul is screaming in a pitiful tone. Oh, it even rhymes... I know I speak as loony or something...' She laughed once again. Bitterness was becoming more and more dominant in her voice. 'And someone like me is supposed to lead the Scouts? I'm sometimes wondering if Moblit did the right thing...'

As soon as she uttered those words, she felt that a so far delicate grip on her hand became much more stronger. A moment later the man pulled her so close to him their noses met.

'Never say such bullshit again.' His gaze was hard like steel. 'Cry, curse Erwin, me, this whole fucking world, scream you don't fucking care or anything fucking else. But never question Moblit's choice. You are insulting his memory. This man did what he believed in. He believed this world can't exist without you, Four-Eyes '

Hanji became silent for a moment, trying to ignore a tear forming in the corner of her eye.

'You are being an asshole, Shorty. You aren't making it any easier.'

'If that will stop you from spouting such fucking nonsense, it's all right.' He responded curtly after which he grabbed her by her always messy ponytail and put her head on his chest. Moment later he embraced her tightly with his second hand.

Hanji reciprocated the gesture, finding pleasure in listening to his steady heartbeat.

'And you?' She asked few seconds later.

'What me?'

'Do you think I'll be able to replace Erwin?'

'There is no need to replace Erwin. You are you, Hanji. That's more than enough.'

Those words made her feel a pleasant warmth. Pain and sadness were still residing deep in her heart, but this terrifying numbness was slowly disappearing. She smiled sincerely, for the first time for many months, and she hugged him tighter.

First sunrays filled the room with a soft glow of dawn. A new day was coming. Another gift which had to be cherished in place of thousands of dead companions. A fruit of humanity's triumph, smelling of liberty and death, reminding of the fact that within a week, a month, a year or perhaps even more a new war would start... A war perhaps even more frightening than the previous one...

* * *

 _What is a victory which destroys dreams that behind the horizon a true freedom exists?_

 _What is a victory for which one had to pay with so much blood?_

 _What is a victory which brings so much pain?_

 _A future._


End file.
